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 The Poetry Portfolio

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emilycross
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PostSubject: The Poetry Portfolio   Thu Feb 05, 2009 1:55 pm

Want to share some of your poems? and let them be critiqued by your fellows?

This is the place to post it


Warning: this is an open forum so anyone can read your poetry. There is still debate on whether this counts as being published or not.
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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:03 pm

Ok - i'm going to take the plunge. This poem was written when i saw an old man, dressed in tatter closed trying to sell his self published shortstories & poetry across from Trinity University (where yeats and wilde would have been etc.)

What struck me was his sales pitch which was a piece of a4 paper with marker saying 'buy my books before i'm dead and great'

The Poet

Scattered scraps across the grey,
His head is lowly bowed.
Body framed in moss green mac,
Now, only tied with yarn

Slumped against the shuttered wall,
Far from fair trinity.
Once A man of twenty years
Wished for immortality

Faces one by one, go pass
Averting their eyes, ashamed.
Don’t look at this old man with books,
With a simple sign that says:

“Buy my books now – before
I am gone and great
And You can be an angel
In my dying wake. “
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imaginary
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Mon Feb 09, 2009 7:07 pm

Emily, yours was amazing! I really like the style and tone. I can totally imagine the scene.

Here's one I wrote about a song my sister wrote on the piano.

Melody
When you begin to play,
Everything around me,
Just fades to oblivion,
All I can hear is you,
The sweet tones resonate,

And float into my ears.
The luscious echo sings,
Directly off the keys.
And pulls emotion right
Out of my heart, because,

Each note-bursting sweetness,
Played so soft and tender,
Whispers into my heart,
And speaks the mealody,
Coming straight from your soul.
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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Fri Feb 13, 2009 10:21 am

Imaginary - this is such a beautiful poem, and flows like 'melody' - i love the words you use which really match the theme your trying to portray. I loved the last stanza especially!


note-bursting sweetness

love that phrase

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imaginary
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Fri Feb 13, 2009 7:06 pm

emilycross wrote:
Imaginary - this is such a beautiful poem, and flows like 'melody' - i love the words you use which really match the theme your trying to portray. I loved the last stanza especially!


note-bursting sweetness

love that phrase

Oh thanks so much! Very Happy
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missjulie
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:00 pm

I don't write very much poetry any more but here's something... I wasn't sure what the rules on uh... explicitness were? Most of my stuff is... explicit. So let me know on that one! This one's not tho.

Open Book

I let you read
into my soul

I wanted you to know
what was inside


But you just looked at
the shutters

and commented on the paint.
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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:09 pm

I tell you what missjulie, how about you put explicit poem in spoilers so whoever wants to read it can? i have no problem with explicitness but there are younger members so thats why i'm suggesting the spoiler tags. I mean hehe, your talking to someone who knows who 'Z' is Laughing

BTW the poems is beautiful, simple but portrays so much!

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Sammi-Fallon
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:01 pm

I wrote this poem a few days ago. I would have to say I am better at free form poetry. I tried writing a sonnet, and found it impossible. But, I'll keep trying. pig


You can be different
I’ll be different too
And as we walk
I’ll stand next to you
And as they stare
I’ll smile up at you
Shouldn’t they know by now
that it is okay to be different like me and you?
We can sit here forever
just me and you
being different
It’s only us two
Can we stay different, if that’s alright with you?

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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Sat Feb 28, 2009 1:49 am

Sammi - this is beautiful, lovely clear and simple. it has a great beat which flows through the entire poem. well done. I really like it Smile

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Sammi-Fallon
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Sat Feb 28, 2009 6:14 pm

I finished my sonnet!

Time has come, you can’t be afraid to die
With all that has passed in the hands of time
You try to hide behind the fearful lies
But the clock keeps ticking, the fateful chime

Your stomach will start to swell deep inside
Then you find it difficult not to cry
It is always hard to say a goodbye
Compressing the truth behind that last sigh

Come on now, it is starting to get late
Everything in the world is turning gray
Doors slowly open on the rusted gate
Come here now, it is time to fade away

The sun, it sets around this time of day
Now do you have anything left to say?
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fleamailman
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Sun Mar 01, 2009 4:20 am

growing old

what now, do you still want your past
and how would you, if I may ask,
still believe then those lies of innocence
now dispelled through your own experience
delicately masked not to betray your age
so do you still wish to turn back this page,
and are you really so shallow and cheap
that some youthful need is all you seek,
amongst the blind who now share this pain
and as if the past could be relived again
while forgetting that old age has a goal
to seek within to find ones soul
and if not a “soul” a simpler wealth
to reach within to find “oneself”

-fleamailman-
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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Sun Mar 01, 2009 5:08 am

Sammi - this poem is very lyrical, it reminds me of a muse song (now thats a compliment Wink )

Fleamailman: Brilliant poem, loved the imagery and the use of language to portray a layering beneath the words. Loved the last four lines especially

Quote :
while forgetting that old age has a goal
to seek within to find ones soul
and if not a “soul” a simpler wealth
to reach within to find “oneself”

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imaginary
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:52 pm

Sammi your sonnet is amazing! I love the couplet at the end. It wraps up the poem very nicely! Very Happy My only suggestion would be adding some punctuation in the stanzas.
For example:
Your stomach will start to swell deep inside,
Then you find it difficult not to cry.
It is always hard to say a goodbye,
Compressing the truth behind that last sigh.

You don't have to listen to me though, I don't really know too much about poetry. To me though, punctuation always adds emotion to poetry.
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*Moonlight_Mania*
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Mon Sep 07, 2009 1:12 am

I love the Shakespearean sonnet, Sammi! ^^ I can really feel the emotion. Whether you use punctuation or not is up to you--it's your writing style.

Here is a poem I wrote for an English assignment. xD

“The Moon Shines Brightly”
Long grass seeded with wildflowers,
soft and lush beneath my hands.
Loose hair splayed across the meadow.
The moon shines brightly.

Wind waving heavy pine trees
and shuffling through leaves,
making them twirl and drift to the ground.
The moon shines brightly.

The sun hiding beneath the earth,
as the evening breeze ruffles my clothes,
brushing over my hair and skin.
The moon shines brightly.

I stand and stroll slowly
the grass sliding against my legs as I walk,
dead leaves giving way beneath my tread.
The moon shines brightly.

Clouds gather in the sapphire sky,
stretching like a waking lion.
The thick layer of white almost conceals the moon.
But through the fluff the moon shines brightly.

The moon will always shine brightly.


Last edited by *Moonlight_Mania* on Mon Sep 07, 2009 5:17 am; edited 2 times in total
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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am

Oh Moonlight - for someone who loves gazing at the moon i totally get this poem! excellent job, i hope you get an A for it Smile

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Shix
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:47 pm

Hi, thought I'd share one of my poems.

The Line

Slowly drag
my feet
Does it mean I’m behind?
Does it mean I’m resigned to

always be
discrete
Am I worth anything?
Can I keep all my dreams, please?

There’s no-one else
back here
at the tail of the queue
Far away I can see you

So alone
I fear
Just my shadow behind
and at times it precedes me

Let me catch
my breath
Can I lower this guise
n’reveal my sad eyes, please?

Think I’ll stop
and rest
Carry on, walk away
I will catch up one day
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Shix
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:26 am

And another. Forgive the lack of punctuation, when it comes to poems I tend to just keep things simple. They're not grammatically correct, not perfect, but ... they're mine. That's all that mattered at the time Smile


Puppet

Dancing me
small child-like toy of your creation
dangle loosely in your arms
my eyes unmoving
no sensation

Gentle nudges
urge me forward
bring me life
bring me ovation

Oh so sweet — that taste of freedom
at your fingers
gently guiding

Sprinkling dust
your feathered touch
my life your pure imagination

Dangle loosely
shift momentum
in your arms, my eyes unmoving

Take my life
take all sensation
Your small toy of mis-creation
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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:32 am

Shix they are excellent, i really like your structure and form! I especially like the line poem.

you use great imagery to portray your point, without losing it Smile

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Shix
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:11 am

Thanks Emily. I was just reading your poem The Poet and it again reaffirms my belief that poems are truly incredible creations. They're in some way like photographs. They preserve little moments in time, scenes, emotions that held our attention for a brief while. I guess there are certain people who pay attention to these things, these small moments, and preserve them whilst most other people just pass on by.
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emilycross
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:19 am

aw i don't think i deserve such praise, i'm a complete novice but thank you Smile

Btw in your profile pic, is that John Hgys-Davis from sliders?

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Shix
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Wed Nov 04, 2009 9:11 am

Yeah, I'm here in NZ where they filmed Lord Of The Rings and he played Gimli in that. I loved Sliders btw Smile
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:59 am

A couple of love poems.


As Dreamers Do

When I lay beside you
I cannot dream
My eyes will close then open
just to see you breathe
To watch your body sigh
then rise again
To watch your eyelids hide
those precious gems —
conceal them from this fading light
My sweet, I cannot dream tonight

I trace ‘I love you’
on your upturned palm
Then run my hand along your arm
and gently touch your pretty face
You move
so that I near your lips
and sweetly kiss my hand
Your eyelids open briefly
and I’m lost again

You smile and draw me near and whisper,
‘Do as dreamers do’
I lean to you
and whisper in your ear,
‘I cannot dream tonight my dear,
for it is you’


EJC

A million eyes reflected
in the stillness, in the deepness
You sway your legs and watch them waver
in the gentlest pulse
We slip into the water
lose ourselves among the watchers
and look up to the heavens now
to see if we’re reflected
Words are barely spoken —
ripples dance upon the surface
You smile at me as I
look to the heavens look
to find our image
‘There we are’ I whisper
‘In the stillness, in the deep
In the presence of a million eyes
the universe complete’


EJC came from a dream and I actually wrote an entire scene into my story so I could use it Smile So it's in my book, people I have and will never meet have read it and I find that ... i don't know, cool. That something I dreamt about has been conjured up in the minds of complete strangers who have read that poem in my book.
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mcelderrypoems
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Tue Jun 22, 2010 1:20 pm

I've just joined and hope I'm not out of line by posting two sonnets at once (both inspired by British singer Joe McElderry):

The dark star and the fair

There are two stars in my benighted sky
One fair, one dark, and both entitled J.
The fair commends and praises me on high,
The dark despises me, to my dismay.

The fair exalts me to the very heights
And gladly holds me to, like him, be fair;
The dark delights to hold me in despite
And cares not that I fall into despair.

Fair star, you are to me my knight, my knight,
You rescue me from grief on wings of song;
Dark star, you sing, but damn me to the night
And careless, see not when you do me wrong.

I rage if dark usurps the fair above,
Yet when - so sweet – he sings, am filled with love.

You sing so sweetly, star of eventide

In days of trouble, when no even keel
Presents itself on the rocky barque of life,
Events can press so hard, that I do feel
That only Sleep will free me from the strife.

Then on the horizon of my poor world,
I see the glimmer of a saviour’s light
As darkness’ gentle banner is unfurled
And from the scorching sun I find respite.

You sing so sweetly, star of eventide,
Cradling with heaven’s care my spirit burned
By this cruel day, which left no place to hide
In mundane deserts of emotions spurned.

The heedless glare of morning did me wrong,
Now you, night’s hero, do me right, in song.
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:17 pm

I haven't read poetry in a long time and sonnets are one of my most favorite forms of poetry because of the beats per line and the rhyming scheme. I've always had trouble with sonnets but I think they are so beautiful when someone does them right.

I really liked your sonnets. The first one I thought was more emotional than the second. But the last two lines of the second one (and I don't know why) but they reminded me of how I feel when I listen to my favorite song artist, Josh Groban. It's just that feeling of safety and love and passion in music that really sets singers apart as artists from the rest of the art world.

Okay, now I think I need to go listen to this Joe McElderry.
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mcelderrypoems
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PostSubject: Re: The Poetry Portfolio   Sun Jun 27, 2010 10:58 am

gobblegobble wrote:
I haven't read poetry in a long time and sonnets are one of my most favorite forms of poetry because of the beats per line and the rhyming scheme. I've always had trouble with sonnets but I think they are so beautiful when someone does them right.

I really liked your sonnets. The first one I thought was more emotional than the second. But the last two lines of the second one (and I don't know why) but they reminded me of how I feel when I listen to my favorite song artist, Josh Groban. It's just that feeling of safety and love and passion in music that really sets singers apart as artists from the rest of the art world.

Okay, now I think I need to go listen to this Joe McElderry.

Thanks for your comments: I'm glad the poems had a meaning for you. Joe has only one solo single out at the moment ("The Climb") but he is recording his first album now (due out in October). In the meantime, there are numerous videos on Youtube of him singing live on tour. If anything he sounds better live than on disc!
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