LOOK OUT PUBLISHING WORLD! WE'RE MASSING TOGETHER AND ARE ON OUR WAY!
 
WC HomeHomeWC BlogPortalCalendarFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Dear Agony Aunt:

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
emilycross
The Boss of the Board
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 1170
Age : 30
Registration date : 2009-02-05

PostSubject: Dear Agony Aunt:   Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:53 pm

Need some help or advice about the love life, family and friends? or want to offer a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen: here is the thread to ask for advice
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://thewriterschronicle.forumotion.net
gobblegobble
Editing the First draft
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 251
Age : 33
Location : La La Land
Job/hobbies : My job is being a Mom and My hobby is writing.
Humor : "Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice!"
Registration date : 2009-03-04

PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   Wed Mar 11, 2009 7:29 pm

Perfect thread Emily!

Okay, so I really need to know what I should do with this bugger of what should be called a "father-in-law".

So, I'll spill the whole story (with some language edits of course)...

Okay, so we have this car that my husband would mainly use for driving to and from the airport for work. His parents (that we live with and have for 6 years now and soon will be behind us--thank goodness) struck up a deal with us in order to use this said car because they have 2 non-working vehicles (which should have been fixed or sold many moons ago).
The deal was this: They drive my husband TO the airport for work and pick him up FROM the airport.

So, this last Sunday, my husband was getting off of work and he was wondering who was picking him up. Usually he calls me to find out--since it had been me picking him up for the past month for some odd reason. I told him to call his mom to see who was picking him up because of the deal we had with his parents. Apparently, his mom was going to pick him up (but neglected to reflect that back to me). I had been told that my brother-in-law was going to pick my husband up--that was wrong information. And then about 15 minutes before someone had to leave (that someone being me)...I ask around to both my brother-in-law and my father-in-law on who was going to up my husband since my mother-in-law was at a church meeting at that moment.

So, I'm throwing a slight tantrum because of the miscommunication between everyone in the household. My brother-in-law said he wasn't going to do it because he had a test at school the next day. My father-in-law said he wasn't going to pick him up and told me that "picking him up from the airport WAS NOT part of the deal. Just taking him TO the airport was." That ticked me off a bit more because he fully well knows that it is part of the deal. So, with about 5 minutes before someone had to leave for the airport, I try to get my daughter to use the potty (which she didn't)...but because I was angry, she had started to cry a bit...I was angry because I was the one who ended up picking up my husband when my father-in-law just sat there (IN MY APARTMENT WITH THE DOGS ON MY COUCH nevertheless--side story quick here--my hubby has a slight allergy to the dog hair...so my father-in-law taking over my tv and couch in my apartment area with the dogs...pissed me off.)

Anyway, so, I start having my daughter go up the stairs toward the garage, but my father-in-law is like "Let her stay with me." (One more side story--HE NEGLECTS WATCHING HER WHEN I LEAVE HIM WITH HER FOR MORE THAN 10 MINUTES, the airport is a 45 minute drive one way). So, I tell him, "No, she is going with me." Which then I turn off the lights (all of them) and he starts up the stairs and picks my daughter up and says, "She's staying with me. She'll be fine." Okay, she really isn't going to be and I know it. So, I tell him, "No, she's going with me. Give her to me." I go out the garage at this point really quick to turn on the car since I really needed to leave. I go back into the house and I tell him to give my daughter back. At this point, I was so peeved off at him that I started to yell, "GIVE ME MY DAUGHTER!" He turns around and says, "Okay, you are NUTS right now. She is staying with me." I look at him, dumbfounded that he would call me nuts. If I was crazy in the head at this moment, I wouldn't know what was going on and just going with the flow. I know most people that aren't coherent in an emotional fit--I usually am and can usually remember details. So I reply, "GIVE ME MY DAUGHTER. SHE IS GOING WITH ME!" So, he basically shoves her at me and I go out to the car. I am putting her in her carseat (now she is crying heavily because of the yelling and screaming my father-in-law and I are doing at each other.) I buckle her up and right as soon as I get into the driver's seat, my father-in-law reaches over and TAKES my keys right out of the ignition. This really ticks me off because now I'm going to be late picking my husband up from the airport.

I run after him yelling and screaming to give me my keys back because I have to leave. He goes up the stairs so I just stomp off to kitchen to get my spare key for my car. I grab the spare and as soon as I go back out to the car, lo and behold he is starting to TAKE my daughter from her carseat. I yell at him, "YOU TAKE HER OUT OF HER CARSEAT AND I WILL CALL THE COPS ON YOU FOR KIDNAPING!" He lets her be and starts yelling at me for being "irresponsible because of the fit I was in and I was not fit to drive." Well, at this point, that really threw me down for a complete scream a thon. I told him that I would be fine. He kept telling me that I wouldn't. I told him, "I will be FINE. I will be fine when you are out of my sight." Then he tells me, "Just so you know, if ANYTHING, ANYTHING happens to my grandchild, it's on YOUR head."

I quickly reply, "So, you don't care about me or your own son. You care about your grandchild." He replied, "Again, if anything happens to her..." I interrupt (sorry, I have horrible grammar right now with this) him, "If anything happens to us, it will not be MY fault."

Then he said, "She is not accountable for how she is. No coat, no shoes on her feet. You will be accountable if something happens." Actually, yes and no in that situation, but I'll keep going. I tell him, "Nothing will happen. Just as long as you are out of my face, I will be fine." He ends with slamming my door shut (almost so hard that it felt like it would fall of the car, and then he continues to try and rip off my sideview mirror which it also breaks off my little stick-on blind spot mirror. I get out of the car now to fix this mess and yell at him, "You're going to pay for that."

He yells back at me, "You're going to make me pay to stick something back on your mirror?"
Then he finishes off as I'm climbing into my car once more. (Now it's getting late...I should have been on the freeway at this point). He yells, "It's all about you!" Which, I have no idea where he got that from. This all started out with the deal about picking up my husband--I didn't make it about me, but making it about the fact that my father-in-law and my mother-in-law were not upholding their end of the deal we made with them about the airport drive. Anyway, I yell at him just because he always want to be right (and he wasn't in this case whatsoever), "No, it's all about you." I know that was uncalled for--that was a bad on my part. And he finished off with yelling at me while I'm pulling out of the driveway, "F! Off!"

He hasn't talked to me since Sunday and he avoids me like the plague. Yes, we will be living in this same house together until the end of April, beginning of May--then my husband, daughter and I are moving away from Utah and to Illinois. Far, far away. At this moment, with how I felt I was treated by my father-in-law, he is not welcome in my home once we move. I know there should be an apology on my part for for that final call-out at the end of the argument, but he should be the one with the majority of the apology with first, misinterpreting a deal made with him and his wife, then taking my child then my keys away from me and then almost killing my driver's side car door and of course the uncalled for foul language at the end.

Now, today, I have been thinking of writing him a letter telling him how I felt about the situation and showing him MY side of the story and how I felt at that time with the whole situation--he won't read it probably, but I hate tension between people. I hate fights. Ever since my parents got divorced, they have fought everyday since. So this tension is very hard for me to keep up with. I will have a nervous breakdown about it in about a day or so if it isn't handled. But in this letter, I am going to mention that if he doesn't apologize for the unkind words and things he did to me, then he won't be welcome whatsoever in my home in the future once we move out. I don't appreciate someone who doesn't understand me well enough to start making judgments about what kind of parent I am or even telling me what to do even. I am not his child, I am a grown adult who knows their own capability. I will even find resources to back it up that I wasn't crazy--since he thinks he's the biggest genius this world has ever seen...although he won't do anything with his intelligence but ridicule people and tell them what to do in situations and how things should be run.

Okay, I think I'm rambling now, but do you guys think (kudos for those who read the entirety of this piece)...do you guys think I should write him that letter stating my feelings and what's going to happen to his relationship with his grandchild and his other grandchildren (that we may have...he won't be able to see them except for pictures unless he shapes up towards me)?

Now, I've stood up to him before (he threw a pan full of brownies I made away--bye bye down the drain away--when someone didn't clean his favorite spatula.) I gave him the silent treatment since he had been acting like a child and he actually grabbed me (I was pregnant when this happened)--and he left finger marks on my arm after that that stuck for a day and a half. But I stood up to him and explained to him how I felt about what he did with something I made for the entire family. I explained to him that we all thought he was acting childish about things that happened with certain dishes in the kitchen and that he needed to grow up. In this case, he told me I was being childish for giving him the silent treatment. Then what I put about him being childish was my response. After that, he shaped up.

So, because I can be the only one who stands up to him...do you think it would do any good for me to stand up to him in this case? With how this fight on Sunday went, I am not going to speak to him--words on a sheet of paper always are easier for me to express than trying to tumble over them. Nobody in his family stands up to him--NO ONE. I have been the only one that has. He screams and yells at his own children when they try to stand up to him. He is an embarrassment to the family in and out of public, he is basically just a plain jerk and just doesn't get that that is the reason that NO ONE likes him! Some people put on faces just to be nice--but really, I can see behind their masks because I have seen them without him there--our neighbors don't really like him at all. No one in our church even really likes him--he embarrasses them. He treats them like he is their god...actually, some days I believe that he thinks he is THE god and that we must worship the ground that he walks on.

Okay, sorry to keep on rambling--but I hate the man with a passion. I put on a face around him too. So, do you guys think it would be wise to give him a letter--even if he won't read it?
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.gobblingthesnippets.blogspot.com
Novel-Goddess
Editor of the Board
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 505
Age : 23
Location : Everywhere.
Job/hobbies : I write stuff.
Humor : My entire life is one of those "you had to be there" jokes.
Registration date : 2009-02-07

PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   Wed Mar 11, 2009 7:44 pm

I think, just to be the bigger person, you should at least write the letter. Even if he doesn't read it, I think it would make you feel better.

Man, I bet you just can't wait to get moved in to the new house. Jeez. You have many hugs from my end. Smile

_________________
As the Plot Thickens / High on Life / The Delusional
I shall never grow up. Make believe is too much fun.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.jenniferwhite.webs.com
gobblegobble
Editing the First draft
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 251
Age : 33
Location : La La Land
Job/hobbies : My job is being a Mom and My hobby is writing.
Humor : "Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice!"
Registration date : 2009-03-04

PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   Wed Mar 11, 2009 7:50 pm

Thanks Novel. I can't wait until I move now. It will be such a relief to be away from him.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.gobblingthesnippets.blogspot.com
emilycross
The Boss of the Board
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 1170
Age : 30
Registration date : 2009-02-05

PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   Thu Mar 12, 2009 6:50 am

I agree with Novel Gobble, write the letter - at least then your extending the olive branch, and you can say you tried - whether he reads it or not thats up to him!

What does your husband and mother in law make of the argument?

God, i bet you can't wait to move out of there and have your own space, i don't know how you sticked it for 6 years!

_________________
Trust me, Love is really a purple italien leather journal in disguise

100/25 = 5 per year
25/5 = 1 per year
5/1 = 1 per 5 years

My blog / My Website / MySpace / Book Bundle Blog /
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://thewriterschronicle.forumotion.net
gobblegobble
Editing the First draft
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 251
Age : 33
Location : La La Land
Job/hobbies : My job is being a Mom and My hobby is writing.
Humor : "Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice!"
Registration date : 2009-03-04

PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   Thu Mar 12, 2009 1:41 pm

Okay, here is an update of my situation at least.

I wrote the letter. 5 pages, single-spaced to him. It took me 3 full hours to write it because I didn't want to make it an attack at him, just let him know how I have felt throughout the years that have bottled up in me and made me ready to explode. Which I did explode. But I made the letter try to come out in a nice tone and still be able to get things off my chest and stand up to him.

Well, my mother-in-law read the letter before he did. He asked her to. She actually recommend reading it because of how much truth I did put into the letter. My husband, well, he was very angry once he found out that I wrote that letter to his dad. I told my husband that I was going to stand up to his dad. If no one else was going to do it, that was my way of doing it.

My father-in-law read the letter and I came home early from work because my hubby had called me and gotten angry with me for writing it and giving it to him. I mean, the situation could have either been good or bad. I was prepared for bad. I was prepared to explain everything in the letter. I was ready to not let my father-in-law back into our lives because of things he has done. I was ready for that. You always brace for the worst and hope for the best right?

Anyway, I broke down at work because my hubby had called me and told me off over my work phone--very uncalled for by the way. So, I broke down and one of the counselors (thank God that I work in a counseling office)...well, I went with her into her office and spilled it all out again on the table. I was crying so hard that my make up came off and my eyes are still really very red from everything. At the end of dishing everything out and listening to some suggestions she had and that she has done with her own in-laws, I decided to come home and talk to my father-in-law, whether he had read the letter or not.

I come home, I print out a copy of the letter for my own reference (because I would trip over everything if I didn't when I would try to say something) and highlight the main points. But as I sat in the chair in the main family room and waited for him to return to his usual spot (his work is in the family room...on the computer). He saw me sitting there and told me to stand up. I told him I'd like to sit where I was. He asked me nicely to stand up and he gave me a hug and said, "Thank you." So many times he said that and it just made me cry even more because this was not something that I had expected from him. I was bracing for the worst and somehow, I got the best. He really didn't want to read the letter, but my mother-in-law had recommended him to read it because it did have truth in it. He did read it and he understood what I was saying and he actually evaluated himself about it before I had gotten home. But we sat and talked for about 2 hours about the things that we are both glad to get off our chest. Both sides of our story (about that argument from Sunday night) and also the things we were both noticing that needed to change and how similar personalities we both have (this is why we butt heads a lot).

But, he was very glad that I did write the letter. If I hadn't, he would have just kept wishing for me to go away and then he would have never seen his son, me, or any of his grandchildren ever again. He would have had to live with that. But with that letter, he said it helped him understand me a little bit better and himself as well.

And my husband said it wouldn't help to stand up to his dad. He is so going to know what has transpired now. He will be surprised at what his dad told me and at what his dad has told me he is going to try and do from now on. I'm very glad it went this way and that I don't have to ban his relationships from my own children and his presence in my home. I am very thankful for it all to be that way now. It will take some time for both of us to rebuild that trust and respect, but it will start today. The seed has been planted...now up up and away.

And thanks for your replies Novel and Emily. I didn't know where else I could talk to someone about this and this is the perfect place. Thanks. cheers
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.gobblingthesnippets.blogspot.com
emilycross
The Boss of the Board
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 1170
Age : 30
Registration date : 2009-02-05

PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:25 pm

Gobble, its great to hear what happened, i'm so happy it turned out this way! Smile

_________________
Trust me, Love is really a purple italien leather journal in disguise

100/25 = 5 per year
25/5 = 1 per year
5/1 = 1 per 5 years

My blog / My Website / MySpace / Book Bundle Blog /
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://thewriterschronicle.forumotion.net
gobblegobble
Editing the First draft
avatar

Female
Number of posts : 251
Age : 33
Location : La La Land
Job/hobbies : My job is being a Mom and My hobby is writing.
Humor : "Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice!"
Registration date : 2009-03-04

PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   Fri Mar 20, 2009 6:11 pm

Geez...my life is full of drama right now.

I HATE LOAN UNDERWRITER'S!!!!!!!!!!

This one underwriter has me RESENDING things I sent to her YESTERDAY! And she's telling us that we have to get everything signed and taken care of. Uh...yeah, no can do lady. We live in Utah and our house we are buying is in Illinois.

Why does she just not get some of the things we tell her?
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.gobblingthesnippets.blogspot.com
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Dear Agony Aunt:   

Back to top Go down
 
Dear Agony Aunt:
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» "Dear Mee-Maw"---My Poem To My Dear Grandmother
» Ristaucrat Dial O matic My Bday gift from a dear friend
» Dear Santa...
» Why are glow plugs getting so dear?
» cooking aunt bessie yorkshire pudding

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Writer's Chronicle :: AutoBiography Section :: Off the Script-
Jump to: